Recovery

Ananda: Listen to Your Bliss:

I'm still recovering from surgery (May 22), but my mind is restless to get moving again.  My body is progressing very well, just like I 'affirmed' during many reiki and meditation 'pre paving' sessions.  Everything went so well during surgery and after that I should be elated and beaming--all the time. 

Instead, I'm on an emotional roller coaster.  Understanding my body's need for a slow 'return to normal', I am doing fairly well with gradual and incremental movement. I'd rather just hop to it, and I sometimes overdo it.  Perhaps that is a catalyst for my frustration, loneliness, and longing.

I completely understand WHY I had a watermelon-sized mass in my abdomen and why I needed surgery. Truly, there was only one flickering moment that I was afraid.  But, then, I was 'put under', and the rest was kismet.

1. Surgery was scheduled for 6-8 hours.  They were finished in 2.5!
2. What CAT scan showed as 'softball sized' mass was revealed during surgery to be a 'watermelon'!    
3. My pain level was really low--having only one 'bad day' of pain in the hospital.
4. I went home after 3 days. [Most stays for my surgery are 5 days.]
5. I was off  Percocet in 7 days.
6. At the two-week post surgery mark, I'm taking multiple walks each day.  I've been out of the house with a driver (still can't yet drive) to run some errands.

So, why the emotions so radicalized?

Not only have I given up some organs (and a watermelon-sized alien--LOL), I've also given up a draining, unsupportive friendship AND I've had a positive, close friendship kind of wander slowly away. I've been feeling totally ALONE and BEHIND--that somehow I've missed out or am missing out. That I've been left behind.

The Truth [that my Spirit knows] is that I'm a different wave on a huge ocean. Maybe those friendship 'waves' are heading to Africa or Asia for some purpose.  But, maybe my wave is needed in the Caribbean for some purpose. I've been mourning my direction. WHY?  The Caribbean is freaking awesome!

Maybe our waves will meet again. Maybe we'll go in the same directions sometime in the future.  It is all possible, since we're all riding the high seas of Life.

But, now I can look for land, appreciate the clear, warm sun, and enjoy the warm salty air as I roll, float, and crest toward my Caribbean paradise.